


A Merry Marauder's Christmas

by TheStoryFiend



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mistletoe, because no one ever talks about how many cats there are at Hogwarts, so many cats you would not believe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-05-09 07:16:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5530685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStoryFiend/pseuds/TheStoryFiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Lily are trying to get Remus and Sirius to kiss each other on Christmas but all these goddamn cats keep getting underfoot and there is so much mistletoe that everyone's bound to kiss someone (nice one, James). Some happy Marauders Christmas fluff to treat yourself to on this wonderful Christmas day!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preparing

Lily could not believe how many cats there were in Gryffindor Tower. She didn’t know where they hid for the other 364 days of the year, but on Christmas Eve they all came out of the woodworks and congregated right where they were most likely to get stepped on for heaven knows what reason other than making Lily’s job even more difficult.

“Why exactly am I helping you do this?” she hissed at James as she tripped over yet another goddamn cat. 

“Because you love me,” he said with a wink. Lily went bright red.

“Wrong answer. I  _ tolerate _ you. I  _ love _ Remus and Sirius. And getting them to finally admit that they love each other is the one and  _ only _ reason we are on speaking terms,” she said firmly as she carefully stepped over mounds of purring felines, Christmas ornaments balanced precariously in her arms.

“Aw, really? I was under the impression it was because of my stunning good looks,” he flirted. Lily gave him a glare from under the tree.

“The house elves could have done this,” she grumbled, stringing tinsel. A few of the cats eyed the tree curiously. 

“Don’t even think about ruining this,” she warned them.

James cracked up. “You know they can’t understand you, right? Besides, I’m sure Mother McGonagall has taught all the Hogwarts cats impeccable manners.”

“Have you hung up the mistletoe yet?” was Lily’s only reply.

“Oh ye of little faith,” he shot back, gesturing at the ceiling. Every foot or so, a bunch of mistletoe swayed gently, waiting for unwary couples to stumble underneath. 

“That is… a lot of mistletoe,” she commented. “Stay far away from me, James Potter. I refuse to kiss you.”

“Always so hostile,” he pouted.

Ignoring him, she continued. “Shouldn’t we take some of that down? That’s really quite excessive.”

“You know, you were the one that delegated this task to me,” he huffed as Lily Vanished about half of the mistletoe.

“That’s because the last time you handled anything fragile, it ‘spontaneously combusted,’ which, by the way, is not scientifically possible so I  _ know _ it was you,” she said, hands on hips.

“Evans, I am neither a child nor a idiot. This whole decorating scheme was my idea. Do you think I would mess it up intentionally?” he said, beginning to look truly frustrated. Lily took a step closer.

“I don’t know, would you?” she retorted.

“Why don’t you trust me?” he ground out, moving even closer.

“Why do you do stupid things?” she half-shouted, then closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath. “Okay. It’s Christmas Eve, we are trying to make a nice surprise for our friends, we can play nice for a bit. Right?”

“Right,” James agreed, extending his hand. They shook on it, and all was peaceful for a moment until James happened to look up. 

“Mistletoe,” he said, pointing above their heads. 

“In your dreams, Potter,” she said, walking away. “I’m going to bed.”

“You owe me a kiss, Evans,” James called after her as she made her way delicately over the cats and up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory.

“Like hell!” she said over her shoulder as she disappeared inside.

“We’ll see about that,” he said to himself as he too made his way to bed. “We will see.”


	2. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presents get opened. People are cute. Lots of teasing happens. You get the picture.

Christmas morning dawned bright and early in the Gryffindor dormitories, and Remus was rudely awakened to the sight of one Sirius Black hanging over his face far too close for comfort.

“Ah!” he shouted, sitting up abruptly and whacking his head into Sirius’.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Moony,” Sirius said, rubbing his forehead. “Were you trying to break my nose?”

“Were  _ you _ trying to give me a heart attack?” Remus replied as he also rubbed his forehead.

“Alright, lovebirds, cut it out,” James called from the other side of the room, where Peter was miming throwing up.

“Lovebirds? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sirius said in his most innocent tone of voice, which might have been more convincing had he not been sprawled across Remus’s entire body. Remus squirmed slightly.

“Get  _ off _ me, you great big hairy dog,” he complained, shoving Sirius. 

“You wound me, Moony,” Sirius sighed melodramatically as he slid off the bed.

“Come on! Let’s go open presents!” Peter shouted. His friends rolled their eyes at him good-naturedly. The four boys, pushing and shoving and teasing each other, piled out of the dormitory and almost fell over each other when James, at the head of the pack, stopped abruptly.

“They’ve multiplied!” he cried with horror. The other three Marauders peered over his shoulders at the sight below. Cats of every size and shape covered almost every available surface. Lily sat in the common room, under the tree, with Marlene McKinnon and Mary MacDonald beside her. They waved cheerfully to the boys. 

“Mind your step!” Marlene called.

“Where on Earth did all these cats come from?” Remus wondered aloud. 

“Don’t fret, Moony, I’ll save you,” Sirius announced gallantly, sweeping Remus off his feet and carrying him bridal-style down the stairs into the common room, which would have been very elegant except for the fluffy white Persian who chose to dart under Sirius right at the bottom of the stairs, causing him to fall and chaos to ensue. 

“PRONGS YOU USELESS GIT STOP LAUGHING AND GET PADS OFF ME!” Remus roared over the chorus of offended  _ meows _ from the cat congregation. James wiped the tears of mirth away and made his way down the fur-coated stairs, occasionally collapsing against Peter in laughter at the sight of Remus’ skinny limbs flailing underneath Sirius. Lily and her friends took pity on the poor werewolf and helped get a completely unabashed Sirius off of him.

“Poor thing,” Mary cooed, kneeling over Remus, who remained prone on the floor. “You’ve had a rough morning.”

“I’m not getting up off this floor,” he declared. “Every time I get up I get hurt. I’m staying right here all day.” 

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Marlene asked, pointing above him where a sprig of mistletoe hung. Remus quickly scooted out of kissing range of Mary, who laughed at his alarmed expression. 

“Don’t worry, honey, I’m happy with who I have,” Mary giggled, pecking Marlene on the cheek.

“No. No kissing until we open presents,” Lily said, pulling her friends over to the tree where shining packages awaited. The Marauders quickly joined them as Lily distributed the gifts to everyone.

“Are we ready?” James asked after all the presents had been given out.

“Age before beauty,” Lily told him with a bow. He snorted but wasn’t about to pass up the offer to open his presents, even for an insult.

“Aw, Evans, you got me something! You shouldn’t have,” he said, tearing into a red bag and pulling out a package of socks. “I mean, really. I would have been happier with nothing.”

“I figured since I always find your smelly dirty ones in here after Quidditch practice, you probably need some more,” she told him with a superior smile.

“Fair enough. You should open that one, by the way,” he said, pointing to a rectangular package near her. She raised a doubting eyebrow at him but opened it. 

“ _ How To Be Less Boring: Five Ways to Spice Up Your Life _ ? You son of a-” Marlene clamped her hand over Lily’s mouth as James rolled around in laughter.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all,” James wheezed in an even worse than usual attempt to imitate Lily. Lily briefly considered throwing a cat at his face, but decided the cat didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.

By mutual silent agreement, the two groups of friends shifted so that James and Lily were as far away from each other as possible. 

“You should open this one next,” Marlene told Lily, pointing to a large-ish box beside her. “It’s from Mary and I.”

Lily tore open the bright wrapping paper and pulled out some very skimpy lingerie, causing the Marauder contingent to erupt into raucous laughter again. Face burning, Lily stuffed it back into the box.

“I will have my revenge,” she warned, shaking her finger in Marlene’s face. Marlene gave her a conciliatory pat on the head. 

“Sure you will, dear,” she smirked.

Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius opened their gifts from James.

“Matching ugly Christmas sweaters? I love it!” Mary exclaimed.

“You have to wear them all day today. It’s a requirement,” Marlene informed them seriously. Sirius immediately pulled it on, looking supremely confident even in a sweater covered in tinsel and gaudy ornaments. With some hesitation, Remus pulled his on too.

“It lights up, too,” James said, pushing a button on the back. The sweaters began pulsing with lights. Remus looked like he was about to die of misery.

“Here, Remus,” Lily said pityingly, handing him a large, flat present. “This is from the three of us.”

He opened the package and pulled out an ABBA record.

“How did you know?” he asked, smiling and giving the girls hugs.

“We can actually hear you singing in the shower, Moony,” Peter told him.

“We can play it tonight during our Christmas party,” Lily said.

“Christmas party?” Mary asked, settling herself into Marlene’s lap. Marlene gave her girlfriend a kiss on the head.

“Why not?” Marlene said. “Good friends, good food, good music, kissing games…” She trailed off as Mary kissed her.

Remus’ eyes widened in alarm at the mention of kissing games. Sirius eyed him like prey. James and Lily shared a conspiratorial smile.

Finally the presents had all been opened and the friends slowly began to gather their gifts. Cats had settled themselves on all the opened gifts and discarded wrappings. Lily gingerly removed a sleepy tabby from the lingerie box, and James wrested his socks from a playful tortoiseshell. 

“Meet you down here in five to go to the feast?” Marlene asked the Marauders. Remus nodded. 

“I’ll herd them down here by then,” he promised. 

“Don’t get too dolled up for me, now,” James teased Lily as she departed. 

“Knock it off, Potter,” Mary called back as she and Marlene dragged Lily into the dorm.

James blew her a kiss, then, laughing, ran upstairs, dodging cats along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to image Hogwarts as being covered with cats. It satisfies my soul.


	3. Snowballs and Scheming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite scheming duo have a snowball fight :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas in July!! lol sorry for not ever updating this ever, but here we go!

Ice skating and snowball fighting are usually perfectly normal, fun things to do with your friends on a snowy Christmas day - unless, of course, your name is Lily Evans and half your friends are all obnoxious gits and the other half enjoy laughing at your torment. Less than a minute into the snowball fight, one of the Marauders (she heavily suspected James, but Sirius was a distinct possibility) had charmed a snowball to go around repeatedly hitting her in the back of the head, and it took all of her self-control not to hex a certain dark-haired boy or two into oblivion. Unfortunately, this meant that when she kept falling while ice skating (always conveniently when she was in prime catching range of James) she had no more self-control left to keep her from hexing him then, and only years of dodging her attacks kept James free of bat-bogeys. But all of his mischief had one positive side effect - it had given her an idea.

Lily collapsed straight into James on her next pass by him, carefully angling her head to whisper to him.

“Trying to kiss me, Evans?” James asked, quirking an eyebrow at her. “You could have gone about it  _ without _ giving me bruises.”

Ignoring him, she whispered, “I have an excellent idea for Project Wolfstar.”

“I’m listening,” he said, sitting up gingerly.

“We make Moony fall into Sirius like you’ve been doing to me,” she explained.

“Please, Evans, it’s not my fault that I’m so irresistible you just can’t think straight around me,” he protested. She elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

“Shut up, you idiot.”

Elbowing her back, he continued, “Besides, that won’t work. Remus and Sirius fall on each other all the time. If it hasn’t worked before, why would it work now?”

Lily pursed her lips, about to dare him to come up with something better, when he said, “Oh! I know!”

“What?” she asked.

“We could make Moony fall through the ice!” he said triumphantly.

“Jesus, Potter, do you want to get your best friend a boyfriend or hypothermia? That’s a terrible idea!” 

“Okay, fair point. I guess we'll have to go with alcohol and kissing games,” James says, helping Lily back up. Lily shook her head.

“Look at us. We are such terrible people, trying to drug our friends so they'll kiss each other,” she sighed.

James’ eyes widened. 

“Love potion! Oh my God I'm an idiot, why didn't I think of that before? It's so simple!”

“And morally dubious! James, that's a terrible idea! There's a difference between getting them to admit their feelings and leaving them with no choice!” Lily hissed.

James, never one to let reality interfere with a good plan, ignored her and barreled ahead.

“Slughorn likes you, it would be so easy for you to nip in there and steal some of the Amortentia he showed us in class,” he said, mind racing a mile a minute. Lily grabbed him by both arms and shook him hard.

“No. Absolutely not. There's a reason Amortentia is a controlled substance. I'm not going to go through with this,” she says firmly. 

“Can we at least get some of the milder stuff they sell at Honeydukes and slip it in their drinks? It's not even a real love potion, it just makes you all flirty.”

Lily sighed, rubbing her temples. James Potter had a singular talent for giving her a headache.

“Alright, fine. Let's pretend I turned my ankle and we'll sneak away to Hogsmeade,” she said.

“You got it,” James said, picking Lily up bridal-style.

“Oh!” Lily exclaimed, startled. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, their faces inches away from each other. James swallowed visibly and Lily's face heated up.

“Uh, Marlene?” he called, looking away from Lily and making a valiant effort to keep his voice steady. “Lily twisted her ankle, so I'm just gonna go take her to Madame Pomfrey.”

“Okay,” Marlene called, more concentrated on getting snow down her girlfriend's cloak than anything else. James trudged off, Lily still cradled in his arms.

“Uh, James? You can let go now,” Lily said once they were out of sight of their friends. “Don't want your arms getting tired.”

“I'm a buff Quidditch player, my arms don't get tired,” he pronounced grandly, setting her down gently with a bow. 

“Sure,” she said, voice laden with skepticism. “Come on. Let's use one of your hidden passageways to get to Hogsmeade, then.” 

“Yes ma'am!” James threw her a salute.

“Honestly,” Lily grumbled, shaking her head, but an indulgent smile hovered around the corners of her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there'll probably be one more chapter after this. leave me feedback pleeeaaaaase


End file.
